Whenever I hear my male friends discuss about being in the “friend zone”, they always show expressions of humiliation, low self-esteem and hopelessness. In fact I didn’t know the “friend zone” was a social dilemma from millennials alike until I researched it. According to Michael Stevens aka VSauce1, in his video "Science of the Friend Zone”, the friend zone is a social situation where a guy or girl wishes to progress from a friendship to a romantic relationship with someone they have feelings for known as limerence, but their counterpart sees the bond differently and prefers to be just friends with them. So if you hear someone being friend zoned, that means they got rejected and you may feel sympathetic for them. The term “friend zone” was coined in Season 1, Episode 6 of the popular American TV sitcom Friends called “The One with the Blackout”, with the plot written by Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. For those who haven’t seen this episode, one of the characters Ross, who is lovesick for Rachel, is described by his friend Joey as being “mayor of the friend zone”. The question of whether a man can ever escape the friend zone and date one of his female friends within or outside their circle of friends is still compelling not just for shipping geek couples in TV sitcoms and films like Ryan Reynolds’ Just Friends but also in popular culture too. The concept of the friend zone is described by experts as misogynistic because they say it implies an expectation for every woman to do intercourse with men whom they lack interest in, because they were being polite to them. This is regarded as the nice-guy syndrome. I always hear people say that nice guys finish last but I feel this is aimed to deter males from undertaking a polite and wise approach and commit to an aggressive and narcissistic approach. It seems that experts can’t seem to agree on a fair and correct explanation on the friend zone literally. Here’s what I see. When you see a guy trying to hit up a girl with a flirtatious pickup line or those famous 3 words with obvious intent, he is exhibiting his male human instincts to find as many compatible mates as possible in order to increase the fitness of his genes. Some of you may see this behaviour as a thirsty, dumbfounded pedophile or potential sex offender but I feel society has brainwashed you to undertake this view. The girl, on the other hand, initially will 999 times out of 1000 reject their love because they either met this man for the first time or don’t know his personality, personal profile and attitude well enough to be romantically compatible. Selectivity is embedded with their female’s DNA and they are bound to say that crude word no man wants to hear. In this modern society, we are taught to find and date one partner who we think are compatible romantically and that attempts to bond with multiple women simultaneously is often regarded as creepy, immoral, unlawful and unlovable. However I feel society’s laws and morals doesn’t respect nor take into account the human biology that allow us to demonstrate love when we’re in the mood.
Seeing a man agitated to not be single around his friends and desperate to find a romantic partner as soon as possible after his previous relationship tells me a lot about our human physiology and evolution. When asked the question by his friends within his circle, a guy would blindly reveal who he has feelings for and the reasons for it, most often their appearance because that’s the initial source he can reference from. Labelling him thirsty is unfair and demeaning to all men alike because you’re demonstrating your unawareness about the human nature of the 2 sexes. Males are born to be hunters, looking for potential mates in order to produce offspring, spreading their genes to the next generation and increasing the fitness of their family name. From about the age of 12-13, the Sertoli cells in a fertile man's testicles produces a variant number of sperm cells but the average is about 85 million every day per testicle and this number decreases as a man ages. Because men produce so much sperm, I thought their testicles would burst creating a sticky mess around him and it’ll be hilariously unfortunate if it were on female bystanders. Thankfully our testicles have a Epididymis and a Vas Deferens which helps store, reabsorb and mature sperm preparing it for ejaculation for at least 9 weeks. To all women who are curious about their man, when he is near his climax, he is bound to shoot between 2 to 5 mm of semen with each mm of sperm containing about 20 to 300 million sperm cells. That means on average a man will ejaculate a total of 80 to 300 million sperm per ejaculation. I’ll let that astronomical figure settle in your head for a moment or two. From then on the Vagina, Cervix, Uterus and Fallopian Tubes become part of the most competitive and exciting swimming race ever, more exciting than any Grand Prix race, Mario Kart race or Retro Racing Game at Galactic Circus or the cinema. Because there is no map to follow, how the sperm knows the way to the finish line i.e. the Ovum, is still not well understood but it’s possible the map instructions are embedded within their DNA. Each sperm cell swims about 0.2m per hour. This race wouldn’t be a race without major obstacles. Most defective or bad quality sperm often run out of energy hence they need a continuous source in the form of Fructose secreted in the Seminal Vesicles like the fuel to power a race car. The first barrier Spermatozoa face is the acidic pH of the vagina, followed by the immune functions that may act upon the semen. White blood cells or T-Cells may identify sperm as foreign pathogens hence they will try to eliminate as many of these sperm cells. This will leave about between 20 to 1000s of surviving sperm cells (not well known) in a photo finish for that coveted trophy in the form of an ovum. Thermotaxis and Chemotaxis guide the remaining sperm towards the egg during this final stage of this race. Once the lucky sole sperm fuses with the ovum, in the ampulla of the Fallopian Tube, the tail (Flagellum) and its outer coating disintegrate and the cortical reaction takes place, preventing the remaining unlucky sperm from fertilising the same egg and leaving them struggling and eventually dying out. You can learn more about human fertilisation via this link:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_fertilization
On the other hand, the ladies already have and will continue to produce eggs in their ovaries since birth. They will begin ovulation after their first menstrual period between the ages of 8 to 16. In the past there were hypotheses that females only had a finite supply of eggs in their lifetime because they generally stop ovulating after going through menopause before they reach their 40s. Based on this, woman in their 50s and older should not be able to ovulate eggs ready for fertilisation with awaiting sperm cells. However, in 2016, a woman in India, named Daljinder Kaur, defied the odds of human nature by naturally giving birth at the age of 70, along with a fellow countrywoman Rajo Devi Lohan who also gave birth at the age of 70 in 2006. The oldest ever woman to give birth via ovary transplant was 101 year old Italian, Anatolia Vertadella, despite the controversy surrounding her successful transplant due to European laws labelling it illegal and unlawful to do so. The youngest ever mother, back in 1939, was Peruvian Lina Medina, who gave birth to Gerardo at the age of 5. It was understood that Medina had entered into a stage rarely experienced by women called precocious puberty where hormone glands activate earlier than normal, very early after birth. I was wondering could all the information regarding the limits of female humans giving birth are all factually wrong? How far can humans stretch the limits of natural human ovulation and fertilisation? There’s a possibility woman can give birth at any age given the suitable conditions in terms of hormone concentrations and anatomy, however would these woman be able to cope with the stresses of going into labour at a young or old age? Because woman are emotional beings and have limited supply and time to ovulate, this makes them selective in terms of choosing a male counterpart to make offspring. But how do woman choose their mates? Most experts say they go for the most attractive in terms of appearance but others say they go for those who are unattainable. Because humans are multicultural with different skin colours, different personalities, different cultures, different backgrounds, different religions and different family traditions, it’s almost impossible to demonstrate a one-size-fits-all approach to choosing mates like your normal pair of socks. It’s like we have to develop a human attraction techniques for each and every tradition, culture, personality and religion which is an astronomical figure. I know it sounds impossible for any male to learn and remember specific techniques but it doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
For those of you who are crying because your crush banished you to the friend zone, don’t feel ashamed this is not the end of the world. Instead of laying on the floor feeling hopeless of finding a suitable mate, like Mr T once said in a Snickers ad "quit your jibber jabbing, you ain't hurt!" Why not take the time to use this opportunity to gather yourself up and learn from your mistakes? The fact is though a relationship is very similar to a friendship only with intimacy included:
Friendship + Intimacy = Relationship
There is nothing wrong with your attitude, character and personality, the matter of fact is those aspects of you weren’t compatible with the woman you thought you were romantically connected to. Instead of viewing it as a test of personality, restaurant geography, character and attitude, why not view the relationship as a trial to experiment your skills important for a potential parent then husband or wife? Because the aim of a relationship is to find the one who is husband or wife material not just girlfriend or boyfriend material. If you are afraid and shy to return to the relationship zone, that is fine, you have the time and freedom to learn and experiment different attributes to your personality with different types of girls without the fear of embarrassment and judgment from your mistakes, because the friend zone is a place where girls respect your effort and forgives your mistakes hence there is no harm to your friendship and dignity. Nonetheless, if you have this urge to relieve that sexual tension within you, why not go to a brothel, cast for a pornstar role or commit to a friends with benefits relationship? If you feel marriage is not your aim and prefer to live with your partner, that is also fine but you might want to negotiate with the respective parents about the possible obstacles that may arise and potentially derail your relationship before committing to this social decision. No one deserves to die single. Everyone deserves happiness in their lifetime because every human and animal on Earth will have at least a few compatible mates out in the wilderness. There are plenty of fish in the ocean, let out your best bait and you will hook up with the one that is most suited to you. Hope it goes swimmingly. I’ll discuss compatibility in romantic relationships in another post.
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